Just Because I'm Paranoid Doesn't Mean I'm Not Being Followed.


Is a short play about England. Past, present and future.

It was produced by and performed at the Royal Court Theatre in London, during their 2016 Open Court Festival.
Performed by the NYT ensemble. Directed by Hamish Pirie.

In 2017 Just Because I'm Paranoid Doesn't Mean I'm Not Being Followed was staged in a scenic reading with great VFX at Vierte Welt in Berlin as part of the city-wide Performing Arts Festival. It already felt like an offering of a historical document. Pre-Brexit writing does not age well. Great VFX do! Check around the 7:10 minute mark on the second video.

Here's an excerpt and you can download it below.

Winston! Help us! We want to be glorious again! You made us glorious.

I'm dead.

But you're a hero, dead or alive. We have no one else to ask for advice. Since the Kingdom broke up, England's totally screwed. People are camping in Parliament Square, to be close to your statue.

Ok I gotta be honest with you, chap. I took some councelling here and retrospectively speaking the Area Bombing Directive wasn't very ethical, was it?

Ethicality is not an issue, ​ Legality's just a word. Give those arabs a tissue, ​ When we kill them like a bird.


I killed a stork when I was a baby.

What? Why?!

Winston mate, you've done worse things. Don't play the ethics card. I just want to make Britain great again.